I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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