I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Operation Purity has been aborted
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
