Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
