Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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