So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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