It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
