I can text with my tongue
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
