I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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