Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
