david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
