babies were throwing up all over the place
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
