I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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