Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
