I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
