two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
