Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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