I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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