Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
