My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
