you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Randomize
