I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pants are for mortals
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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