what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
