How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
