the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
