they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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