I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
