At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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