so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
