I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
