Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
