It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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