I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
