new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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