life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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