yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
