I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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