i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
