508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
