I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
