Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
