There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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