Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
