that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
