I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
