you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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