as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
