We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
