i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
