so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
