I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
