I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
