he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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